Episode 052: Mary Mandefield
Journalist, radio host and TV presenter Mary Mandefield joins me to unpack one of the most controversial developments in modern dating: the rise of online groups like 'Are We Dating The Same Guy?', and the growing tension between protection, exposure, and unintended harm.
Mary shares what she uncovered while making the Channel 4 documentary 'Red Flags: Are We Dating the Same Guy?', including stories from women who found validation and safety through these communities, and men whose lives were deeply affected after being posted online.
We talk about:
Why so many women feel forced to protect each other online
The emotional and psychological cost of being publicly accused
Whether these groups are community support or digital vigilantism
Why trust in dating apps and the police has broken down
How empathy for women’s lived experiences can coexist with concern for innocent men
And what dating might look like in a future shaped by AI, algorithms and isolation
This is not a conversation about taking sides.
It’s about sitting with discomfort, holding two truths at once, and asking difficult but necessary questions:
What do we do now?
And is it possible to date happily, healthily and safely in 2026?
The full C4 documentary can be watched here.
